okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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