is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
