Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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