I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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