Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
