I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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