She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
