I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
