How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
