Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
