1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
