Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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