I am puke
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
