It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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