Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
