I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
