Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dear god my vagina.
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