I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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