I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
worst night to have a conscience
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
