Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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