I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
