it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
