i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
