Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
