my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize