Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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