Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
