WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
