worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
