I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
