I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
