There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
