I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
