I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
