I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
