Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
