Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
