you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She needs sedatives and a leash
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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