Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
