is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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