By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm both gender and math confused
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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