Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
