I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
