sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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