i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
