Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
