If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
being pregnant is like rehab
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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