I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
