OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got her a Nickelback box set.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
