3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
