a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
