Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
