When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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