its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
