how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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