she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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