Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
