I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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