If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
