my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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