Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
