I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
