Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize