guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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