But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
They have beer where we have blood.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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