Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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