I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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