Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
