somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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