so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize