It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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