I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
