I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
