he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
