In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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